The Secret Me
by Lady Venom2
Summary: Okay, Mike has a secret, and he's not sure if he should come clean about it. (Songfic)


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The Secret Me

Note: _Hookay, no one get overly made at me, I was listening to this song on a friends CD and this popped into my head, and begged to be wrote down. So for all you Mikey fans out there.I apologize. Also, it was meant to be funny, but my muses took it on a little more serious course. Oh, and this song is from Mulan, as in Disney, not Rouge. Christina somethingorother sings it. Also, this is my fisrt songfic for the turtles. _

It had been a few years now, and he could no longer bear it, why did this have to happen to him, wasn't it hard enough to be a mutant turtle. But to have thisthis, feeling inside of him, he wasn't sure what to think.

__

Look at me

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you'll never know me

Every day It's as if I play a part

Now I see If I

wear a mask I can fool the world

Mike left his room, seeing Raphael sitting in front of the television watching music videos. He could hear him utter a sound of disgust at the new video that had come on. Moving closer he could see that it was Beautiful' by Christina Agulaira.

" Will you look at this?! Man, I don't mind the cross dresser, or those two girls on T.a.T.U, but do we hafta look at these guys?"

"Come on Raph, it's just a video, change the channel if you don't like it."

"I know, but it's just"

Sighing, Mike walked over and turned off the television. "There, problem solved."

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But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

Jumping up out of the chair, Raphael turned the old television back on.

"Who the hell gave you the permission ta shut of the t.v.?"

He started to walk away before Raph decided to get violent, "No one, but I was sick of your whining."

"I don't whine." He grumbled.

Jeez, since when did he become so close minded about the world? He can't even stand a stupid video, and then he makes a fuss when people call him a freak! Talk about your double standards.

"Hey Leo, how's the book?"

Leonardo looked up from the book of ancient Japanese swords April had given him last year. 

"I've read this thing from cover to cover, and I still love it," He grinned. 

Mike rolled his eyes, "Figures, hey, is there any ice cream left?"

Glancing toward the freezer as if to find an answer he shrugged. 

"Think so, I saw Donnie with a bowl, so I don't know how much is left."

Moving past the blue clad turtle, Mike opened the freezer. 

__

I am now

In a world where

I have to hide my heart

And what I believe in

And pulled out the small box of ice cream, opening it to reveal a tiny clump of ice cream left in the corner.

"Man, I hate when he does that, he should just take the damn ice cream and not leave a speck left over."

Leo finally looked up, "You've been out of it for the last few days, are you okay? You seem to be acting more like-"

"Raph?"

Leo frowned, "Well, yeah. I was a little worried."

Grabbing a spoon he sat down with the box, and shook his head. "I've just had something on my mind lately, not really sure what to do."

"Something to do with one of your stories? I hear you've had quite the writers block lately."

"Kinda, but it's not that, it has to do with. Nevermind." He waved the spoon when Leo tried to pry, "It's no biggie bro, I'll be fine in a few."

Smiling he stood and left, leaving Leo and the empty carton of ice cream behind.

"In a few what?" He sighed, going back to his book. 

__

But somehow I will

Show the world

What's inside my heart

And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me

Why is my reflection

Someone I don't know

Great, now even Leo knows something is wrong. Man, can't I keep anything a secret anymore? I should've told him but then, he might not like it, or me anymore for that matter. Leo is probably the most opened minded brother I have, and if I'm too scared to tell even him, maybe I shouldn't say anything to anyone.

With a sigh, Mike knocked lightly on his brothers' door.

" Come in,"

"Hey Donnie, wanna play a game or somethin? I'm really bored and need a distraction."

Donatello turned around in his swivel chair, looking at Mike with a smile.

"Sure, what game?" He began to list off a dozen car games, quickly followed by a few math solvers and finally, science puzzles. 

"Utdon't you have any fighting games?"

"Oh yeah!" He stood up and moved some papers off of a desk, slowly revealing a small box underneath.

"I got this new game but haven't had time to play it, wanna give it a try?"

"Sure."

__

Must I pretend that I'm

Someone else

For all time

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

"Hah! My bat girl just kicked your shell for a third time in a row!"

Don frowned, trying to get his mole into hyper beast mode, and getting killed in the process.

"Hey Donnie, this Bloody Roar 4 is sweet! We gotta do this some more another time!"

"Yeah, well"

"Aw, don't be a sore loser dude, it's not your fault I rock."

Don nodded as Mike left, grinning over his triumph. I bet Don wouldn't mind. He smiled. He probably would just look up from his computer long enough to say whatever and zone out again.

__

There's a heart that must be free to fly

That burns with a need to know the reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think

How we feel

No what do I do? Man, why do Sundays always have to be so boring? If I had something to do, maybe I wouldn't be thinking so much about this

Going back to his room, he sat down at the typewriter, begging his mind to flow with something, anything to write. Slowly he began to type, although not liking what his hands were writing.

I'm not sure that I like what has happened to me, I've changed so much, and I if someone were to ask me who I am, I'm not sure that I could answer it truthfully. I use to be Michealangelo, son of Splinter, youngest brother of four brothers and a ninja warrior. But now I don't even know where to begin. 

__

Must there be a secret me

I'm forced to hide

I won't pretend that

I'm someone else

For all time

Maybe I should tell Sensei, but then, I've never heard him discuss anything like this. Would he even understand what I'm talking about? But I need to tell someone, I can't go on living in fear that someday someone could figure it out, and hate me for it. Maybe I could tell April, she seems so open to new things, I bet she wouldn't mind in the least. But then, she might tell the others, and then what?

Maybe I should start looking for another place to live before I tell anyone, that way if they kick me out I can have a place to go. There's always the old den, and with the foot gone, it should be safe but no, that won't do. They know that that would be the first place I would run to.

Mike sighed and leaned back in his chair, reading over his words. Thinking that he should have felt better once they were on paper. But his impromptu journal didn't help. Instead, it only made his fears intensify. And the layout of the sewers raced through his mind as he mapped out places that he could survive in for a while.

__

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

A knock on the door drew his attention away from home searching. Going to the door he opened it to reveal Splinter. Stepping aside he allowed his Sensei entrance to his room, who was closely followed by his brothers. Sitting on Mikes bed, Splinter made a mental note to tell his son to clean his room later, as there was almost no clean spot on the floor to see the faded carpet.

"Is something wrong master?"

"Yes my son, something has been troubling you greatly for the last month."

Mike sighed inwardly. More than a month father. But only looked at him quizzically outward.

"No master Splinter, nothing is wrong."

"Yeah, like I believe that." Raphael said softly in the background.

"Please my son, do not feel that you have to hide your feelings from us. We are your family, we do not judge."

You would if you knew. He thought sadly. He sighed and looked at everyone, not really sure how to get himself out of this mess. He knew his brothers would leave eventually, but Splinter might stay behind, adamant that he help his son.

"I don't think I can"

"Mikey, you know you can trust us, I mean come on, it's not like you killed anyone."

A small smile tugged at his lips at Raphs attempt at humour. He knew that the time had come on whether he should tell them or not, but he still was terrified at the thought of it. 

Better get it over before I change my mind

Looking at everyone, he opened his mouth:

" I'm gay."

The End

Nope, no sequel, personally I though that this one sucked, so unless I have more than one person who wants to see another story on this, you gotta let me know. And no, the next story wouldn't be a song fic.


End file.
